My ADHD Realisation: What I Learned About Myself, Work, and Leadership
1. The Tipping Point: When My Mind Wouldn’t Stop
Last year, everything seemed to converge into one overwhelming problem. I had been navigating personal tragedy, career misdirections, and business challenges, and suddenly it all became too much. My body was exhausted, every part of me craving sleep, and yet my mind refused to stop.
It felt like being a spinning bike wheel with no chain, completely untethered and without brakes. My brain was exploring endless, often irrelevant aspects of life in an attempt to fix everything, and it never paused. I recognised this pattern from the past, but this time the pain was excruciating.
After losing my beloved pet of 13 years, and dealing with repeated career frustrations, my problem-solving brain was cranked to full speed. I finally called my doctor, not for immediate relief, but to understand and manage the problem for the long term. Sleep would have been a bonus, though my health conditions meant even that was not straightforward.
I had long suspected ADHD. Friends had mentioned it in passing, and a podcast by Mel Robbins about ADHD in women had planted a seed. But it took about 18 months of reflection, research, and honest conversations to stop blaming myself and seriously consider ADHD as a real and influential part of my life.
2. The Realisation: Connecting the Dots
When I received my ADHD diagnosis, it was transformative. Suddenly, my entire life made sense: the sleepless nights, the hyperfocus, the 3 a.m. brainstorms, the energy it took to appear “together”.
For the first time, I saw my struggles not as moral failings or lack of effort, but as part of how my brain operates. It was a lens that reframed decades of experiences, both challenging and rewarding, and gave me permission to work with my brain rather than against it.
3. Life Without Support: What ADHD Looked Like in Daily Life
Before I really understood what was happening, my ADHD played out in ways that were exhausting and confusing, both for me and those around me.
‘self-medicated with alcohol.’
I hid my struggles with reading attention and schoolwork, too afraid to speak up or be a burden. Bullying made it worse.
Paying attention and listening in school was painful. I could follow parts of a lesson or conversation but often missed key points — information would go in one ear and out the other.
My romantic relationships were chaotic. My brain would hyperdrive the worst elements, and I would try to escape situations that became mentally overwhelming. Issues were rarely addressed, and I would often shut down or leave.
I never felt like I belonged. I always felt different, and this sense of not being good enough led to overcompensation through extreme work ethic.
Most of my life I self-medicated with alcohol. I drank a lot, trying to calm my overactive mind, drown out problems, and avoid truly coping with life. I became “dial-a-disco-Donna,” the last one standing wherever the party was. When this overcompensation met drinking and trying to befriend everyone, without properly vetting intentions, it created chaos in my life.
These experiences, combined with a lack of awareness and support, made life confusing and exhausting.
4. Spotting the Signs of ADHD in Daily Life
Looking back, ADHD in my life showed up in many ways:
Sensory Sensitivity: Bright lights and loud noises can feel physically painful.
Energy Fluctuations: When I need rest, it is non-negotiable. Yet my brain often refuses to comply.
Attention and Listening Challenges: I can grasp complex ideas but sometimes miss important details in conversation.
Hyperfocus and Obsession: When I lock into something, my brain spins at full speed, sometimes obsessively.
Emotional Overwhelm: Past meltdowns, intense frustration, or anger outbursts.
Forgetfulness and Misplacing Items: Phones, bank cards, and everyday objects constantly went missing.
Overcompensation and Self-Doubt: An ongoing drive to prove myself and second-guess my actions.
Relationship Struggles: Communication challenges, repeated patterns of tension, and emotional burnout.
I now have coping strategies to manage these challenges, which help me navigate daily life more effectively and will be explored later in the post. Recognising these signs earlier can help others understand that what might feel like “too much” is not a flaw, it is part of how some brains are wired.
5. ADHD Strengths and Strategies for Managing Challenges
ADHD is not only about challenges, it also comes with unique strengths. I have learned to harness them while building systems to manage difficulties.
‘Building strong and meaningful relationships’
Strengths:
Creativity, pattern recognition, and deep focus
Empathy and understanding how people think and contribute, being able to read the energy and perspectives in a room, which is especially important in my work as a personal development facilitator
Building strong and meaningful relationships
Problem-solving and intuitive connection-making
Emotional intelligence and meaningful relationships
Capacity to observe subtleties others might miss, resulting in another level of organisation; turning insights into effective actionable guidance
Difficulties and Management Strategies:
Flow Disruption and Overwhelm: Interruptions can feel intense. I now schedule breaks and reset periods. After completing a clear-cut task, I physically close all programme windows, shut my computer down, and walk around or do housework before approaching the next task. If I need to charge my computer, that becomes a full hour of intentional downtime.
Intentional Organisation: I have built systems to reduce mental clutter, from meal planning to household routines that survive a bad week.
Pomodoro and Task Reframing: Breaking big tasks into manageable chunks, creatively reframing them, and acting quickly before ideas fade.
Self-Care and Rhythm Awareness: Hydration, sleep, food, and mindfulness are now core to my workflow.
Boundary Setting: I prioritise tasks, my energy, and my emotional health over external expectations.
6. What I Have Learned About Leadership
Jackson Pollock: Reflection of the Big Dipper
Reflection of the Big Dipper, paint on canvas by Jackson Pollock, 1947; in the Stedelijk Museum, Amsterdam.
One way to describe how my brain works, especially on strong, powerful days, is to imagine a 4D Jackson Pollock of thoughts. Although it might look like chaos from the outside, every splat and connecting element is deeply considered and meaningful. My husband calls it the “Mental Calculus”, after seeing one of our chats spilled over onto a whiteboard and finally understanding what was going on in my head at any given moment.
Understanding my ADHD has transformed how I approach leadership:
‘Self-Leadership First: Recognising and managing my own rhythms allows me to show up fully for others.’
Self-Leadership First: Recognising and managing my own rhythms allows me to show up fully for others.
Neurodiversity Awareness: Appreciating difference in thought processes and work styles fosters psychological safety and stronger team dynamics.
Empathy in Action: I notice what everyone brings into a room, their perspectives, strengths, and unspoken needs, which helps me facilitate development experiences with care and insight.
Creative Leadership: Harnessing curiosity, pattern recognition, and problem-solving drives innovation and meaningful results.
7. Closing Reflection: Living Differently
ADHD is not a label that limits me, it is a lens that gives me permission to understand, accept, and work with my brain. It has allowed me to stop chasing an impossible version of myself and start living in alignment with what I actually need.
I am deeply grateful to the friends and family who have grounded me when I needed it most, even when I did not know how to ask or did not seem to want their support. You are my rocks. ❤️
I am excited to share more of my story, strategies, and insights in the weeks ahead, and to continue exploring what it means to live and lead differently, with compassion and awareness.
Want to Apply This to Leadership or Personal Development?
My experiences with ADHD have shaped how I support others to thrive. I design facilitation and leadership programmes for young people and executives, helping them develop self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and practical strategies to show up authentically and perform at their best.
If you’re interested in creating spaces where people can work effectively and thrive, get in touch.
[Contact Me / Learn More]
