Knots

A Poem By Marianne White

They start in the depths of my belly

Unbeknown to me while watching the telly

Sprouting one by one, what is this feeling i am not ready

The knots are making themselves known they are coming fast but steady

The knots twist, push and pull, like an unwanted crowd.

A different knot manifesting with an eery sound

Getting bigger and bigger, they writhe around slither after slither

Multiplying, they start to swell, I feel unnerved, unwell

A distinctive smell, of fear, as the knots creep

they start weaving, winding, pulling tightly on my chest they are going in deep

A sticky residue left behind from their previous quest.

where they have once been, from a place unseen, now dirty and unclean.

They move on up and arrive in my head.

once I have decided to go to bed

scrambling for their next meal

Looking more for what they can steal.

The knots have infested, my brain unable to digest it

I am overwhelmed, on the brink, eyes wide open, I cannot blink.

lights out its dark, “is this a dream”? If so, I do not like the theme”

I cannot sleep, I try in vain, but the knots have a claim

To not be evicted, a signed contract

that states they need to stay in contact

I didn’t read the small print; not even a hint

I wouldn’t have agreed to this deal, it's totally unreal

I try to think who, what and where, to many reasons to lay bare

I now see I have given them an appointment to be there

how did I get into this mess

Life bogs you down and there is too much stress

The more I worry the more they are invited I guess

My insecurity calls for security, but nothing comes

Just the sound of beating drums

Knots on a march with all the knowledge to tell

I do not want to listen, I do not want to hear it

I have no energy I am not fit I just sit

I am full of knots for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

The knots have got me they are the winner

From one extreme to another

I can see it now, within my mother

The family trait showing of its proof

Not to deal with truth

With the cards dealt

We lose our spark and welt

I turn to the bottle, full throttle

Thinking it will drown the knots

But it just magnifies the worse spots

Fight or fight you are not in control

Sinking into your unwanted soul

i am not equipped with the ammunition

To go and fight the knots mission

I grin and bear it and say I am fine

But I know I have crossed a line

I hide under the covers and play dead

Like a child Hiding from the monsters lurking under the bed

Hoping not to be found, trying not to make a sound

To win this battle I need to herd the knots like cattle

But I think it will open up a can of worms

I need to go back on the terms.. set

To play the game, make a bet

Realising the deal is not real

To seek help with this ordeal

I have understood the value

Of talking things through

To work my way in an orderly queue

To put the knots out of business

To overcome the sickness

One by one a knot at a time

In order to claim back what's mine

Say hi, goodbye, thank you very much

Go away now, please don’t stay in touch

I don’t need you now, I have figured out how

To sort out this issue, to stop feeling blue

To look after myself, to be true to me

Be free.

Poem and Artwork by Marianne White of Big Loves Design