In 2015 my world had become too much to manage. I'd lie awake all night, incapable of switching off because I was overwhelmed by my work and social life.

But hang on, I was a photographer reliant on social media. I adored photography; it was the only way to promote my business and feel confident in what I was doing… was it not? I needed to up the ante and promote harder, right?

How was I to manage it all and cope? To make a short story short, I didn't. I struggled to keep up. I became utterly consumed by it all, and my business, mental health, and personal life suffered.

I am ashamed to admit that I was a social media junkie. I was on it a lot, a lot, a lot. I made many friends sign up for it and shared my whole existence there. I built a huge following, and by social media standards, I was doing GREAT… or so I thought.

(Images below from that time from my old Facebook and Instagram accounts).

However, I was checking it every waking moment. Grabbing any device I could at work, notifications pinging around left, right and centre, constantly open and ready to connect and talk, always on the go-go-go on every platform, selfie-ing my way through life, running events, sharing everything.

I didn't understand the repercussions of social media and the decline of:

My mental health
My authenticity, who was I?
The quality of my work and the effectiveness of my strategic thinking for my business
The impact on good people that cared for me and were valuable in my life (but they weren't on social media, so they didn't quite matter as much)

These concepts were alien to me at the time. Now with the insurgence of mental health issues, there is a greater awareness of problems that we have to manage.

WHEN SOCIAL MEDIA GETS DARK – THE CONS

The worst thing for me was how consumed I began to feel. I couldn't switch off or keep away from my phone; I felt entirely controlled by it.

When I became aware of how much time I spent on social media against how much I took anything positive from it – it was clear it wasn't worth the time investment at the cost of my mental health. I knew I had to back off from it all. By this time, I was struggling in ways that weren't clear to me, but with hindsight and research, they are clear now.

The main effects on me

Anxiety, worrying about everyone else, what they thought and where I fit in
Lethargy pulled my focus. I was constantly exhausted, spending all the hours on social media or thinking about what I should be doing next
The pressure of expectations unrealistically waiting for instantaneous results, instant validation and gratification. I wanted everything yesterday because I thought I deserved it, and I felt hard done by constantly, as I had put in all this effort and I still couldn’t relax
Headaches and migraines; even to this day, I struggle with bright screens and prolonged use of devices, impacting me with headaches and migraines, let alone the weight gain I acquired when I heavily used my devices.

Other areas of concern for other people

These are some observations that I have made since about my own experience and with other people around me:

'Comparison paralysis' and the effects on mental health with feelings of shame and inadequacy. The feelings of being unworthy, with a complete lack of confidence. You are not as good as everything you see on social media.

Collecting likes 'friends' Playing the popular numbers game, without genuine relationships or interactions, leaving you open to people who don't have your health or best interests at heart.
Fitting in and the 'friending/unfriending' Essentially, you feel pressured to allow people into your inner circle. This habit is the epitome of lacking boundaries, leaving you unnecessarily vulnerable. The pressure to please would send my anxiety through the roof.
Privacy and security You are open to attack, especially as it is a virtual setting; threats are real. For example, professionals and children are dealing with bullies and mental and physical abuse every day, and with location tagging and oversharing, people can fall prey to burglaries or worse.
Open-season voyeurism It's unnerving how much you can share, what is open to everyone and what people know about you. The more people share without thinking, the more vulnerable they make themselves.
'Othering' people to have individuals at your fingertips as if you own them, without regard for that person. I have seen this and experienced this with internet trolls. Toxic and damaging stuff is thrown around like it's going out of fashion. Would people say those things if they were there in real life?
Miscommunication the quality of connection and communication via messages is never as good as face-to-face.
Ghosting Having the ability to block and remove people from your life is a great safety precaution. Still, it also means it's easier to isolate people, sometimes in unreasonable situations, "out of sight, out of mind", causing levels of anxiety and depression in people that become difficult to resolve.
Big data and psychological behaviour manipulation Our data is often used in less-than-ideal ways. Netflix documentaries like 'The Great Hack' and 'The Social Dilemma show how easily ‘voters’ and ‘consumers’ can be manipulated and real people commodified.

AFTER I LEFT SOCIAL MEDIA

I decided to deactivate all my accounts for a long overdue detox… and felt free.

However, some bizarre physical side effects surfaced:

Like when my hands felt like they needed something to do, especially around ad breaks on TV or when I was waiting for someone.
I was constantly feeling like I was missing something, a message, a comment, a post, and at that point my anxiety would kick in.

These feelings took some time to go away, but they got less intense over time, and I managed to kick them in the end.

There were some great things to come from the detox. The pressure to take photos all the time left me, and I could be wherever I wanted to be, free to enjoy the moment. To this day, my husband, the "non-professional photographer", takes all the photos when we are out and social.

Once my head had settled, I had fantastic JOMO or the "Joy Of Missing Out", contrary to those feelings when I first stepped away. Instead of feeling left behind, I felt free and happy to live how I wanted, not for approval or likes.

My brain felt fuller and more focused.

At this time, I created one of the best things I have made in one of my old roles. Social media's distraction would have meant I wouldn't ever have focused on such a massive task without having the personal boundary with myself to deactivate my accounts for the duration of development (about six weeks at first).

When I reconnected, I didn't feel the draw like I used to; I felt more anxious opening the profile and newsfeeds. I had done a complete 180°, so I deactivated the accounts and eventually deleted them after a year and a half.

WHERE AM I NOW?

My life is significantly different now. I have a great sense of calm and self-worth. I no longer seek external gratification, knowing that my work, genuine friends and family relationships are my life's most beautiful nurturing elements.

I have filled my life with authenticity, which can be hard when you shed the old that is not good for you; your whole world changes, and in the long term, it is so much more beautiful, self-sustainable and expansive because of that.

GROWING FORWARDS

I now use social media purely as a tool for this business to help people where I was.

Next time I will talk about how I now use the minimum social media presence, why and how I plan to maintain my mental well-being and also make my services known to the people that need them the most.

If you want to continue a conversation, give me a shout at donna@thedpa.uk.

Alternatively, you can find me at the regular Grow Painting Sessions (reduce the overwhelm and inject calm into your life) and Connect Coffee Get Togethers (Let's chat and connect)… check out What's On for more details.

Written by Donna Preece

Edited by Simon Bell

Simon is a writer, translator, editor and educational consultant with many years of experience in university teaching and book publishing. His background is in languages and literature, and he is a firm believer in the healing powers of a well-constructed sentence.

Anti Social Media